“I’m a MOM not a NUN!”
Yes, that was my response to a woman who, deciding my top was too low cut to be wearing around MY OWN CHILD, told me I wasn’t setting a good example of how a woman should dress for my daughter.
First of all, let me begin by saying, just because you ARE a parent, does not mean you have the right to PARENT SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD or tell them HOW to parent their OWN child. It is one thing, to offer advice, whether solicited or not. And quite another to stand, in front of someone’s CHILD and INSULT them or their parenting!
However, this woman’s inappropriate comment did get me thinking about how much we TRY to change ourselves when we become parents. Now, obviously, there are things that have to change when you become a parent. You can’t be a parent and party all night long, get intoxicated every night, etc. But, again, those are fairly obvious! The change that I am talking about is subtle. It begins, in moms, when we become preggo! From the moment you are AWARE of that little person inside of you, you begin to take stock of your life. You really do begin to see things differently. And a lot of times, it’s all for the good! OF COURSE you have to learn not to spend all your money on shoes! and of course, you should probably NOT wear your Prada around spit up, so you should probably consider Walmart from now on. Yeah, I get it, some things do HAVE TO CHANGE. But, they DO NOT have to disappear.
#1- Do what you LOVE.
You find out you’re pregnant. Suddenly, all of those awesome things you used to be involved with are out of the picture.
The worst part about this change, is that in the beginning it seems like the right thing to do. Many moms do it, before they even realize they have. At first, it’s because we don’t want to be away from our child, then it becomes we are too busy as moms to have time for ourselves. I am sure, most people, have heard at least one mom talk about never getting to do anything for herself. Well, it’s true! Most moms, spend every waking moment making sure someone ELSE is happy. Under the guise of being a good mom, many of us will sacrifice our wants, desires and NEEDS. And the reality is, if we took more time for ourselves, we would be better moms! When you spend all of your time, pouring yourself out for others, and no time filling yourself up, you will soon become empty. And you don’t just become empty for yourself, you will be EMPTY FOR OTHERS, as well. So, it is important to stay involved in your passions. Continue to read, write, dance, bake, tattoo or pierce yourself. Whatever it is, that FILLS YOU UP. Because, you cannot be any good for your child if you are empty. Plus, it sets a great example for your child, to see YOU doing what you love. It inspires them to do the same.
#2- Mommy Style, NOT Granny Style.
Okay, so this will more directly address the woman who confronted me about my top.
First of all, I do, in fact, wear low cut shirts. HOWEVER, I would not call any of them too low cut. None of my outfits have “plunging” necklines. Most are regular shirts, I just happen to have a lot of cleavage!
But, what I really want to point out, is that the lady is just wrong in her logic! Her ideology is that because my daughter sees me wearing something low cut, she will become a hussy. Well, let’s take a look at that. First, let’s consider the fact that just because someone dresses a certain way, does not mean it is indicative of their behavior or attitude. I have known many women who dressed conservatively, but slept around. And I have known many women who dress sexily and have NEVER slept around. So, I’d pretty much say that you cannot judge a book by it’s cover. and secondly, I’d like to point out the fact that you, reader, probably DO NOT dress like your mother. And you’re not alone in that. I would say MOST TEENAGERS do NOT consider their parent’s style, when choosing their own. So, if we’re not talking consciously, then sub-consciously. Well, subconsciously, The only thing my daughter will learn from my low-cut shirts is how to be stylish! lol Because, what I wear doesn’t make me who I am! My low cut shirt doesn’t make me a hussy. Acting like a hussy makes you a hussy. Acting like a hussy in front of your child, will create a hussy. In no way am I saying we don’t have an affect. I’m just saying, if you teach your kid the right MORALS, what they wear won’t matter. What YOU wear won’t matter. Boo may grow up thinking “My mom dressed really sexy back then” But she will also grow up knowing how to be a GOOD RESPECTABLE WOMAN, because THAT is who I AM! So, don’t give up your cute outfits and sexy shoes, just teach them the MORALS to back it up.
#3- It’s YOUR child.
Like I mentioned earlier, there is a difference between parenting ADVICE and bad-mouthing a parent. Obviously, I think advice from other parents can be a good thing. Duh, otherwise we wouldn’t be here! But, I believe I have mentioned, and will probably continue to mention, that the choices you make on how to raise your child are PERSONAL. How you decided to raise your child is NOT my business. Now, I will give advice til I am blue in the face. And if I ever KNEW of any child abuse it would be reported. But beyond that, everyone has the right to create their own family’s rules and procedures. The greatest tragedy, is seeing a parent BEND to the will of a non-parent. Just because a person is older and/or more experienced with children does not mean they know what is right for YOU and YOURS. Each person is different, each family is different and what works for some may not work for others. While I totally believe that, as a parent, you should read any and all information you can get your hands on and listen to everybody’s advice, I don’t believe that ALL the advice and information you find should be integrated into your parenting techniques. Find the ones you agree with, and integrate those. THEN, Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad or WRONG for how you choose to raise YOUR CHILD.
Many, MANY people have argued with me about my parenting techniques. And my response to them is always the same… “So, where’s your Cesarian scar from Boo’s birth?” Meaning, you didn’t go through those 9 long months, you didn’t spend a month on bed rest in a hospital, you didn’t get your stomach cut open in order for her to come into this world, so do not try to TAKE OVER what is NOT YOURS! lol
When you’re a Mom, it almost seems selfish to even consider YOURSELF for a moment. and that, my fellow moms, is a BIG FLAW in our Mom Logic. The best thing we can do for our FAMILY and CHILD, is take care of ourselves and be a little selfish sometimes. Trust me, no mom will ever be able to put herself first. But, you can find ways to at least be #4 or #5, right? RIGHT!
This means, you take time to consider and utilize the 3 tips I have just given you:
#1- Do what you love- remember to fill your cup up with the things you enjoy, so that you can be there to fill up your kid’s cup!
#2- Mommy Style, NOT granny style- remember, don’t ditch the outfits, ditch the ACTIONS. Be a mom, dress like a model.
#3- It’s YOUR child- remember that only YOU AND YOURS can create the best foundation for your family
So, now that we have a basis for keeping ourselves REAL, Join me Wednesday when we discuss “Keeping ourselves WILD!”
Where we will talk about ways to keep yourself involved and engaged with your child! As well as fighting that ever growing child attitude of “Parents just don’t understand”.
Til next time,
Wild Mommy MC