So, Monday we talked about how to stay TRUE to YOU. By doing so, you allow yourself to be a better Mom.
And with this foundation, you can then begin to become an actual “WILD MOMMY”.
You see, being a Wild Mommy is about BREAKING the STEREOTYPES and NORMS of motherhood. It means, busting down walls of non-communication between parents and children, to create an involved and enriched relationship, which in turn leads to the creation of engaged, intelligent and caring children.
There are TWO aspects of being a Mom, that have become broken throughout the years.
We have steadily allowed the lack of these 2 things to place a wedge between parents and children. And, we have all seen the future that is coming BECAUSE of the breakdown of them. Kids are getting into more trouble than we have before. More teenagers are becoming parents, dropping out of school and basically throwing their lives away. And if you do NOT think that there is a direct correlation between the way we raise our children and the choices they make in their futures, you’re wrong. That’s not to say there aren’t some exceptions, but on the whole, a good parent will raise a good kid, which will grow into a decent adult.
But this isn’t the first time a Mom has made a clarion call for better, more involved parenting. And yet, the state of our children continues to worsen And more and more parents are LESS AND LESS involved. It has become a SERIOUS EPIDEMIC. The raising of children without a strong moral compass, simply due to lack of communication or involvement from parents MUST END!!! So, since that IS the reason I am HERE, we can begin:
#1- Talk to your children!!!
It is a tragedy that so many parents just simply do not talk to their kids. There is absolutely no reason, either, other than selfishness. There are a few different levels of communication I am talking about here.
The first is BASIC communication. Communicating enough to fulfill their basic needs.
Second is PERSONAL communication. Communicating about their personal lives and decisions.
Third is DEEP communication. Communicating about deeper, more generalized topics that inspire DEEP thought in children.
The first type, BASIC COMMUNICATION, is something most parents do. The difference between WILD MOMMY BASIC and just basic, is that not only should we be able to talk to them and find out their needs, but your child should always feel like they can at least ask. So many parents, I see it all the time, get just plain ANNOYED by the questions their kids ask. By your annoyed response, you are teaching your child that it isn’t okay to ask questions. And that is awful! The best thing we can send our kids off with is a sense of curiosity, It inspires them, motivates them and keeps them interested in LIFE. So, why would we want to shut that down? But we do. We get tired of answering their endless questions. Then we begin either, just not answering, or answering in short, not really helpful answers. And that’s the other half of the problem. If you’re going to answer your child’s questions, don’t CAP THEIR INTELLIGENCE!! hah! Explain the REAL answer. Not a baby one. Since day 1, I have done this with Boo. She is always encouraged to ask me anything. and I am always willing to have, not just answers, but CONVERSATIONS. There is nothing more amazing, than just HEARING what your kid is curious about, either. My daughter, she knows things that some school aged kids don’t. Everyone who meets her, finds her intelligent and articulate. And it’s because of this. Anytime she asked me a question, I had a well-educated and intelligent response. Sometimes, it took a LOT of explaining. And it takes, using up your WHOLE vocabulary to explain BIG words with SMALL ones. But the outcome is tremendous. They will begin to actually search the world for questions. and that’s we want. We want our children out there, searching for answers and education! In addition, I will again mention discipline. In my previous blog, I explained how punishment should always exist, but explanation should as well. Again, I will reference my Boo. She can tell you WHY she is in trouble and will also tell you it is her fault. Because every time she is in trouble, I COMMUNICATE with her about why what she did was wrong. In doing so, you will have a well-behaved child who CHOOSES to be well behaved because they want to be good people, as opposed to being well behaved because their SCARED of punishment. Don’t get me wrong, they should fear punishment. But through communication, that fear will take a back seat to them simply wanting to be good, for their mommies.
Next we have PERSONAL COMMUNICATION. Now, this is the one that breaks my heart. How can we have so many teen pregnancies? So many drop outs? So many suicides? The breakdown of family, and personal communication, THAT is HOW. I have NO IDEA, where this came from, but somehow parents decided they would stop talking to their kids about sex. Yup, I’m going there. It always shocks me, to hear that no parent has had a sex talk with a kid. Why do we have so many sexual active and/or pregnant teens? Because we stopped telling them about how SEX is SPECIAL. I remember the conversation I had with my Mom, and that is where I get this ideology. I remember her telling me how special and IMPORTANT my body and virginity were. How, having sex would CHANGE ME. How, it would effect the way I felt about him, the world and even MYSELF. She also instilled in me, the idea of “waiting as long as you can” but “being safe when I make the decision”. A lot of parents have trouble with this. and religious beliefs come into play. But the basics of my opinion is this: You cannot STOP your child from doing it, if they want to. So, the best thing you can do, is let them know they can TALK TO YOU. If parents took them time to teach their kids the importance of WAITING AND PROTECTION, kids would be able to make better choices. (And, as a special note to those of you that have DAUGHTERS, my mom taught me, and I will teach my daughter, that it isn’t a MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY to have protection. It is a woman’s body and life that will take the most heat in this situation, and therefore they should be looking to protect themselves. Not looking for a guy to do it.) Okay, I’ll get off sex, now. But, this goes for dropping out, doing drugs, even who they date. As parents, we MUST talk to them. You should know everything about them. Who their friends are, what they do, how they act, who they date, etc. A good way to do this, I mentioned in a past blog, talk to them about YOUR LIFE. If you share with them, they will want to share with you. This not only gives parents a HUGE OPENING for teaching and growing their child, but it creates a DEEP BOND between the two, as well. But, you also need to be asking them. Prompting them to share, and encouraging them when they do. And, as a parent, you also have to learn to be a little laid back. You can’t try to CONTROL their life, you try to GUIDE them. That’s another thing that can break down a relationship. If every time your kid talks to you, you give orders, or judge, or get MAD, you RUIN your teaching opportunity. Instead, realize, you were a kid too, and you did some of the same things. Be easy, tread lightly but still tread.
And lastly, we have DEEP COMMUNICATION. Now, I hate to say it, but I don’t hardly see this in any parents. I think it has a lot to do with that CAPPING I talk about. But this communication is important. It helps create a MORAL COMPASS in children that will guide them the rest of their lives. Also, it will get them to use their brains and make their own decisions. Talk to your kids about politics. religion. social stereotypes, whatever! Discuss the world around them, WITH THEM. You’ll be surprised how many YOUNG CHILDREN have FANTASTIC ideologies on the world. and, if you discuss and encourage them, they will become FAIR and JUST adults. But, the key here is to DISCUSS not LECTURE. Though it is important to pass your opinions on to your children, and to build their moralities upon your beliefs, it is also EQUALLY IMPORTANT that we allow them to make up their OWN MINDS. The only way a person can TRULY STAND behind their decisions is if they made those choices themselves! Encourage your kid to question even YOU!!! Because, we’re though we’re equal, we’re not the same, so some choices you make may not be their personal choice. And that diversity is what is great about the world.
So, now that we have learned to COMMUNICATE, it’s time we begin being INVOLVED.
#2-Be a PART not a PROP.
Many parents believe that by transporting and attending events they are involved. Wrong. That is only BASIC INVOLVEMENT. To actually be involved you must ENGAGE. This means, not only are you attending their baseball game or dance recital but you are practicing with them, encouraging, praising and communicating with them about their FEELINGS towards their chosen outlet. This also means, not just knowing their friends names, but knowing their personalities, too. Not just knowing their schedules, but the details of every event as well. This BASIC INVOLVEMENT isn’t enough! Your child should feel like you are a piece in their puzzle. Not just a mom, but also a friend who listens and cares about them. In addition to this, you have to also INVOLVE them in YOUR LIFE. Tell them about your job or your passions. Let them help you with a project or a decision. By letting them be involved with you, they will desire to bring you into their lives. Therefore, creating a deep bond based on love and respect mixed with desire to share.
As I previously stated, these 2 things, communication and involvement are really to blame for the breakdown of our society. And how crazy is it, that all we have to do is be INTERESTED in our children more than ourselves, and yet the world is still breaking down.
Join me FRIDAY, as we come to the end of our WALK ON THE WILD SIDE!
Our last topic, will be encouraging YOUR WILD CHILD. Where we will discuss how important it is that we help our kids break down these societal “norms” that are destroying the future…
Until next time,
Wild Mommy MC